10.  Although I once lived in Chicago, I do not know the location of Chez Quis restaurant and could use my new iPhone for reservations and directions.

9.  I could use my iPhone to get the scores to Da Bears, Da Bulls and Da Cubs games… Abe Froman already has luxury boxes at all three venues. 

8.  I could call my ex-mother-in-law (who still loves me) to get sausage recipes.  Abe Froman does not need sausage recipes.

7.  I could send an email to ask Ben Stein for some of his money.  Abe Froman does not need Ben Stein’s money.

6.  I could listen to Yello, The Dream Academy and The Flowerpot Men on my iTunes.  Abe Froman only likes Wayne Newton, Danke Shoen very much.

5.  I could use my iPhone calendar function to alert me of the Von Steuben Day parade.  Abe Froman loves a parade, but he already has his own float.

4.  I could post a blog about my new red Ferrari with a link to my Flickr account so everyone could admire my photos.  Abe Froman doesn’t drive and hates to have his photo taken.

3.  I could download instructions to the zombie dance from “Thriller” AND the lyrics to “Twist and Shout.”  Abe Froman is a zombie.

2.  I could watch Ferris Buelller’s Day Off in wide screen format.  Abe Froman has no idea who Ferris Bueller is.

1.  I could use the iPhone 3G to help me in my struggle to take it easy.  Abe Froman already has it easy.